if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
