looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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