it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
