bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
