I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
