You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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