i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Randomize
