We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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