That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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