one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
