So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
