i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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