im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
