It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
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besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
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If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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