someone threw a dead crab at me
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
