If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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