In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
