can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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