once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
