Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
