Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
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they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
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NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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