Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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