She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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