Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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