Need sex. Gaining weight.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
