I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
