i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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