I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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