I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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