I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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