WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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