This dress was meant to end up on your floor
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
