im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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