where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
