I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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