did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
