it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
