just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
