i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
