Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It's blow job season.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You are the jesus of drinking
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize