Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
