he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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