cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
