remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
