i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
