Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
