She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
