Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
