If that was your dad, he is hot
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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