it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
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I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
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It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
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