i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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