It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
