Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van