It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
