Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"