new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Some Animals Are Total Jerks (10+ pics)
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.