they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
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