forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
