is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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