The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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