Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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