bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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