why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize