There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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