I'm really into asian looking animals
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
now i know why i became what i already was.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
