ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
