I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
