It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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