Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
