You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
