awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
