This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
