Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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